but we're not robots inside a grid

Let's take a quick look at one of the many things that have changed in my life in the past 10 months:


Paris, where I live right now



Toronto, where I lived 10 months ago

"Science Vs. Romance"
by Rilo Kiley

i used to think if i could realize i'd die
then i would be a lot nicer
used to believe in a lot more
now i just see straight ahead

that's not to say i don't have good times
but as for my days

i spend them waiting

crash sites keep me up at night
impact division it splits in two
directly underneath you

as for those things
that act as markers in your life
but in between
you can't remember
and so it seems
that you've grown up and over me
and these silly things
i like to dwell on

test sites keep me up at night
chainlink and meters
i talk to you
it's cold out there
but i'm telling you
i'm lonely too

facts versus romance
you go and call yourself the boss
but we're not robots inside a grid

text versus romance
you go and add it all you want
still we're not robots inside a grid

zeros and ones

This song describes me quite well at the moment. Some good things, some not.... Anyway, no more details. Atleast I'm letting you read the lyrics. I really like this song, I sang it at a coffee house music show in my college residence 4 years ago. I sang it with my boyfriend at the time and his roomate playing guitar. I guess the song has a completely new meaning now.




Paris Metro





Toronto Subway



I would just like to say how this time in Paris has taught me more about life than I could have ever imagined. I am so much wiser, perceptive, confident, loving, experienced....that is just to start. I could not even begin to type out every little thing I have learned here. Coming to Paris was the best decision I have ever made. And deciding to try as much as I can to stay here is another perfect decision. My intentions when coming to this beautiful city were to learn French, continue a relationship, and gain some wordly knowledge about other cultures. I came to this city and I found love. I found love in many shapes and sizes. I found the strongest love I have ever had. To a boy. And it is continuing to grow stronger. I have found a love to a city. To Paris. A city that could never disappoint me or fail to show me something beautiful and inspiring each day. A city rich in history and stories and love and tradition, the city I have been searching for all my life. I am not ready to leave. I have less than 2 months left here, and I am not even close to be ready to part. I think I will never be able to seperate myself from Paris. No matter where I end up, part of me will always be here, waiting for me to come back.

J'aime Paris.

a dedicated collector and other little thoughts

The weather is ABSOLUTELY gorgeous these days. I sure hope it lasts. Now that I am seeing the sun daily and wearing spring coats, I realize how completely lovely Paris is in all types of weathers. I am happy that spring is here, but now that I see it I realize how Paris is beautiful in any weather conditions. I guess I'm not really surprised. It will be so easy to convince myself to stay here forever.

My window is open, and I hear vespas passing outside my window. My boyfriend has a vespa. I would like a vespa. I trust myself. His is broken at the moment, and has been for the last few months.... I miss the feeling of holding on close to him, and hiding my face from the cold wind with his back, or if it is warm, letting the breeze rush past my face and through my hair....
sigh, feels like so long ago.

Ontario, February 2009

I am trying to clean my room for the 598374503844th time this month, and it's just not working. See, I am a dedicated collector. Collector of what? of everthing.... that is why my room will just never be clean for more than a day. I love free things. Free newspapers especially. Which is a huge issue because there are hundreds of free newspapers to be had on a daily basis here in Paris. Free pamphlets and business cards from bars, cafe's and art galleries.... Don't even get me started. I collect receipts, old notes that I've written silly things on, jars, buttons, rocks, sea shells, bags, empty containers, notebooks, letters, postcards, free perfume samples.... anything I can get my greedy little dedicated collector hands on. This is me. I have tried to organize myself and stop this habit, but it is me, it can not be changed. And I look at my Oma's house, and I see that I am the same as her and that I will spend the rest of my life collecting. But its perfect, it will give my guests and children, and grandchildren plenty hours of searching and snooping and enjoying, just as I did with my oma's random collections. I'm trying to remember how it all started, and I think it spawned from collecting pretty stones from peoples drive-ways when I was young, playing at various childhood neighbours yards etc. Like I've said before, I am organized within my disorganization.

Toronto, friends house, drunk, February 2009

I went back to Canada a few weeks ago for some interviews and tests regarding my potentially studying in France. After living in such a beautiful country, and city for so long, I find myself actually searching for something attractive and beautiful in Canada. Living in Paris has spoiled me, all I have to do is look outside my window each morning and be inspired by the beauty that surrounds me. But in Canada (the cities and towns atleast), I was actually searching for things that I found asthetically appealing. And of course I was successful, don't get me wrong, it's just that beauty over-load moments don't happen as frequently as in Paris.

Toronto, friends house, slanted old stairs, Febrary 2009

breadsticks & bubbles

Hello.

It has been far too long since I last posted something. Not because I had nothing to post, just because of time. But.... I'm back! That's all.

I am so incredibly happy to be back in Paris. I genuinely love this place. Really, I do. I feel like everything is back on track....for the moment. I still have lingering thoughts of exams, visas, consulates, interviews.... But for now, I am trying to forget about that and just enjoy. Today is a beautiful sunny day in Paris. A bit cool still but in the sun, we hardly need our jackets. Welcome, spring. Please don't tease me and send back the cold, tell me you are here to stay. In one week, if it stays warm I'm moving my winter jackets to the deepest, darkest corner under my bed.

It is Wednesday, and the kids don't have school so I take care of them all day. The girls wanted a snack and decided on breadsticks. I was sitting on the ledge of the window, leaning against the railing trying to cover myself in sun rays, and Clementine brought me a breadstick covered in sesame seeds. I was suddenly brought back to the summers of my childhood. You know that feeling? When you eat, hear or smell something, and it triggers a memory? That happened just moments ago.

Speaking of childhood, I know I'm going to sound so old granny-ish....but, what's with kids these days?? The girls were glued to the television watching some lame show with teenagers and horses. barf. I thought I would rescue them, so I opened the huge windows in the living room because I know they love to look out; the apartment is on the 4th floor and its perfect for people watching. And I brought a big bottle of bubbles and two bowls of icecream, and I sat on the window sill and blew bubbles. They didn't notice I was doing any of this, so I told them to come over to the window and play with me. They looked at me for a second, then came over, took the bowls of icecream and went and sat back down on the couches. stab. So I blew bubbles for a while, enjoying myself, until they yelled at me to close the window because they couldn't hear the tv. Ohhhh kids these days. I know that bubbles and open windows were fun for me when I was 7....and apparently nothing has changed.