la période d'orages pourrait durer encore

BIG news:

I'm leaving Paris this Saturday. I can't even make plans for this weekend. Ahhhh wierd. I'm sad. I keep feeling sorry for myself that I'm leaving Paris. I'm being selfish. But I'm coming back in September. YE$$$$ I am. So really, my summer in Canada is just a 3 month vacation seeing my wonderful friends and family.

Last night it thunderstormed! Beautiful summer heat, 4 days in a row, 30 degrees that stays hot into the night can only result in summer rain. At around 10:30 last night O and I went to go meet a woman at metro Vavin. O was buying a guitar from her. This woman was amazing. She was so cozy, and talking about wonderful things and kind of ressembled Maril $treep. She was British, living in Paris for over 10 years. Working in cultural events around Paris, and tourism. She was very maternal, probably in her mid 40's. We should have gone to a cafe with her, instead of sitting on a bench in the shadow of a building. I tuned the guitar, then played 4 of the 10 chords I know. Impre$$ive. Then it started to pour. mmmm summer rain, je t'aime.

chronologiques

I haven't posted something in atleast a month.

Life is continuing to amaze with the beautiful things that surround me.

But also continuing to disappoint me other times.

Bittersweet.

kissed a stuffed pink turtle
laid in bed for hours
cried almost everyday
laughed every day
breakfast and lunch in bed
homemadapancakes
Eugène Onegin, a Tchaikovsky ballet
lots and lots of kisses
gelato
wine drinking in the streets of Paris
4 star hotel room
running through vineyards
country house
dinner parties with bowls of sangria
the mediterranean sea
photo shoots
playing dress - up with friends
cool spring nights spent beside warm fires

les têtes des poissons

I went to the Préfecture de Police today in Paris. It's a lovely old building beside the river in the heart of Paris. Préfecture basically means administration.

I had to go and ask some questions answered regarding my current visa situation. My visa, that permits me to work and live in France like any normal citizen of France is going to expire in about 1 month and a half, and I was informed today that it is absolutement obligatoire that I return to Canada before the expiry of the visa. My job however does not end until the start of July. Therefore, I have to leave the country early and return to Canada. I am not opposed of course to spending a summer in Toronto, infact, I know it will be a wonderful summer. Toronto is lovely in the summer. I look forward to days spent scavenging around Kensington Market on hot days with my friends, and warm summer nights spent on cafe and bar patios, bikerides, days to the beach, and maybe even make it to center island this summer. I have established such a life for myself here in Paris. It will be strange to return to Canada after living in France for one year. Of course. This is expected. Not bad strange, just different. I will come back to France in September, this is sure. It is my home.

My head is full of thinks. Yes, thinks. Not things, just plenty of thinking. There are too many thinks going through my head right now. Topic change.

After the préfecture, Thomas and I went to a cafe just across the river. In a tourist area, so of course we paid far too much for a cafe au lait and espresso, but it is ok, the view was nice. We were talking in a mix of french and english about the beautiful historic architecture of Paris. There was construction being done on a beautiful historic building on the river. I asked what kind of construction was going on under the tarp.... are they replacing the lovely old building with something modern? I hope not. He told me that they were just rebuilding something damaged. But rebuilding it to look exactly the same as before. He was telling me that it is not legal to build something not to look like the original buildings of Paris. It is too much a part of the image of the city. It makes sense. Paris would have a completely different image if it didn't stay exactly how it has been for the last hundreds of years. Most of France is the same. He was telling me about an historic house near his summer house on the Basin d'Arcachon. I have seen it when taking a walk along the beach. It is a gorgeous mansion that must be atleast 300 years old. There are very strict rules that come with living in that house. You must confirm with historic committee/ elders of the village before hammering a nail in the wall, changing a broken window, cooking garlic in the kitchen, shitting in the 5th floor toilet....

My friends and I used to love this song in highschool.

yeahhhh

probleme airport mac ox x

Today after work he called me and said that he couldn't go to the cinema tonight, but that he was going home to work a bit instead. He wanted me to come with him. Of course I did. He picked me up on his scooter. The weather is just so beautiful at the moment that I can leave my window open almost all the time. There is a light spring breeze, warm enough now that it doesn't even make you cold. just cool. So my window is open, and he has been coming to my house to take me with him on his scooter lately. I know the sound of his little white vespa now. He calls me when he has arrived and is waiting for me just outside the building, with my helmet in hand, smoking a cigarette.

I know he is there before he calls now.

We arrived at his house in time to eat with his mom. I could smell garlic cooking, and vinaigrette for a salad. Walking inside the only light on was the kitchen. It felt so nice, the smells, the dark, and my bare feet on the new hard wood floors. It felt familier. I suddenly forgot everything that had been stressing me out from the day.
"mmmm you have such a cosy apartment." I said to him as we walked down the almost pitch black hallway to leave our things in his room. I lightly keep my finger on his back because in the dark I still often miss the door to his room. He knows. where it is. perfectly.
"Such?" he asked.
One of the things of having a boyfriend whose first language is not the same as mine is that he may not know every word I use. Naturally. It is of course the same for me in French. I asked him if he knew what such meant, and he said yes, he just liked the emphasis I used on how the home was so cosy.

I asked myself then, how I would describe the word such to someone who had never heard it before.

so + much = such

I think maybe the word such is actually a contraction.... But I couldn't have said "mmmm you have so much a cosy apartment" rather than "mmmm you have such a cosy apartment." But I still think so + much = such.

gut

It's 1:13am, Paris France.

I vacuumed my bedroom yesterday, but in order to do so I had to move all of the shit off my floor onto my bed. It's not my fault my room is impossible to keep tidy, it's the size of a locker.... and I never kept my high school locker tidy. Why am I talking about lockers? This is what happens when my fingers touch the keyboard. Scatter-brained random thoughts, that's what happens.

so, now it is 1:16, Paris France.

(Proof that I did not leave the city in the past 3 minutes)

I should be sleeping, but I still have homework to do, and a bed to clean. My brain is full of thoughts. Some selfish thoughts. I have been feeling guilty lately for wanting so badly to stay in Paris. I want to stay here. Want. Ew. I would like to stay here. But it's more than "would like", so it's want. Which is just selfish. And my mom sent me an email the other day which related to my thoughts perfectly. I was stressing out about university here, and my working holiday visa, and french customs etc.

And this is what she wrote:

This is a whole new topic, but something I heard about yesterday that sheds a whole new light on every situation and sort of puts life in perspective.

You remember Lauren, our neighbours Tom and Henrietta's granddaughter. And do you remember her mother Maria and her father Felix? They've been living in Brighton, England, for the past few years. Five weeks ago Maria started having excruciating headaches, went in for testing (CT scan, MRI) and they discovered a massive brain tumour. She was operated on immediately (March 7) and seemed to be recovering well.....until she spiked a fever, which meant infection, which was fatal. She passed away yesterday. She was around 49. I was shocked and Henrietta is a basketcase. Felix doesn't want her to come over to Europe though. He says there is nothing she can do at this point, so she is staying put here.

Anyway, depressing news, but I wanted you to know, and it does put life in perspective in many ways, I feel. And it also makes me feel even better about coming to see you and seeing a city and country I otherwise would never have had the opportunity to see.

I love you sweetie !!!!

I always forget that things like that can happen in life. It would be wrong to spend my entire life worrying about the things that 'could' happen, however, it would be wise for me to consider all of the wonderful things I have and have experience, and be more open to possibilities.

This being said, I am not saying I am completely ok with leaving France. I am far too content here with the life I have. But after reflecting, and the email from my mom, I am going to be more open letting life just take it's course, and if something doesn't work out as planned, find an alternative, or be content with the cards I have been dealt. No time for pouting and pity, that is just a waste of time.



Life is grand. More than grand. Je suis vraiment content.

on change, on range

Aujourd'hui: April 1st. Is it really here already? Dear month of April, do not pass as fast as March.

Words of the day....

corde à sauter (skipping rope)

fish
chocolate cake
fetus
scraped knee
rosy cheeks
beirut
tears
small spoons

I went with the children today to a park above the Viaduc des Arts, which is a beautiful park 1 minute from my house that is built above an old railway station. It was beautiful and sunny today, just like yesterday and tomorrow I hope. The shadows of the children in the photos remind me of fetuses. I know that sounds strange and morbid. And I guess it kind of is.

but we're not robots inside a grid

Let's take a quick look at one of the many things that have changed in my life in the past 10 months:


Paris, where I live right now



Toronto, where I lived 10 months ago

"Science Vs. Romance"
by Rilo Kiley

i used to think if i could realize i'd die
then i would be a lot nicer
used to believe in a lot more
now i just see straight ahead

that's not to say i don't have good times
but as for my days

i spend them waiting

crash sites keep me up at night
impact division it splits in two
directly underneath you

as for those things
that act as markers in your life
but in between
you can't remember
and so it seems
that you've grown up and over me
and these silly things
i like to dwell on

test sites keep me up at night
chainlink and meters
i talk to you
it's cold out there
but i'm telling you
i'm lonely too

facts versus romance
you go and call yourself the boss
but we're not robots inside a grid

text versus romance
you go and add it all you want
still we're not robots inside a grid

zeros and ones

This song describes me quite well at the moment. Some good things, some not.... Anyway, no more details. Atleast I'm letting you read the lyrics. I really like this song, I sang it at a coffee house music show in my college residence 4 years ago. I sang it with my boyfriend at the time and his roomate playing guitar. I guess the song has a completely new meaning now.




Paris Metro





Toronto Subway



I would just like to say how this time in Paris has taught me more about life than I could have ever imagined. I am so much wiser, perceptive, confident, loving, experienced....that is just to start. I could not even begin to type out every little thing I have learned here. Coming to Paris was the best decision I have ever made. And deciding to try as much as I can to stay here is another perfect decision. My intentions when coming to this beautiful city were to learn French, continue a relationship, and gain some wordly knowledge about other cultures. I came to this city and I found love. I found love in many shapes and sizes. I found the strongest love I have ever had. To a boy. And it is continuing to grow stronger. I have found a love to a city. To Paris. A city that could never disappoint me or fail to show me something beautiful and inspiring each day. A city rich in history and stories and love and tradition, the city I have been searching for all my life. I am not ready to leave. I have less than 2 months left here, and I am not even close to be ready to part. I think I will never be able to seperate myself from Paris. No matter where I end up, part of me will always be here, waiting for me to come back.

J'aime Paris.